Want to understand trauma? Want to understand what it is and why it does what it does?
Ever been on a road trip?
Let’s picture it. A large group is about to embark on a long road trip. Anyone who’s ever been on a road trip can imagine what it’s like to go somewhere as a group; everyone has an opinion about where to go, how to go, where to stop, what to bring, and every detail of the trip. Finally, everyone is on board with the itinerary, the crowd and their families load up in the large van with luggage, and start driving.
One of the kids, the driver’s son, starts crying. He’s really upset about something and won’t take comfort from anyone. The driver is trying very hard to keep his eyes on the road. It’s hard though, and the others in the van know it. “Stop crying,” they tell the kid. “You’re bothering everyone.” Maybe someone puts on some music, either to distract the kid or drown out the noise. The kid is still crying, and no one in the van seems to have patience to deal with it. They’re getting annoyed at the kid, starting to blame him for being so inflexible, and for ruining everyone else’s trip.
There are two ways to proceed. One is to send the kid to the back of the bus, blast the music, and pretend the kid isn’t crying. Everyone will get to where they need to be. The kid will still be crying.
Or the driver stops the van. He goes to the back, sits down with his son, and says, “I’m here for you. I’m with you in whatever this is, and I want to help you.”
So many times trauma is sent to the back of the proverbial van to cry by itself. The whole system is set on edge by it, but if it’s not acknowledged, it keeps crying. Until you stop the bus and sit with it.
People are usually happier when there’s no one screaming in the background of their mind.
Yeshaya Kraus, LCSW 