We’re about a week into the school year by now, and hopefully the kids are settling in. We’d like to think that they’re adjusting to their new schedules, teachers, and responsibilities with aplomb, and are maybe even looking forward to whatever comes next for them. Hopefully parents are also adjusting to the changes, and handling the different pressures of the school year gracefully.
This time of year has potential to be a really great one. I’m not going to say that the school system isn’t without flaws. There are definitely a few, maybe more depending on what your personal situation might be. For the most part, though, schools do a pretty good job of keeping our children safe, educated, and growing, both intellectually and spiritually, throughout the year. How do they do it? Perhaps this is a funny question, but how can we, as adults, get some insight from how schools work and apply it to ourselves? As much as we’d all like to think of ourselves as constantly growing and learning human beings, it’s easy as an independent and self-guided adult to fall into a routine that either doesn’t support the growth we’d like, or even actively precludes it. What can we take out of the structure of a school experience that can help us get to where we’d like to be?
The first thing that stands out about school is that there are specific reasons for our kids to be there. (Cue the chorus of children saying “No there isn’t!” Really, though, there is.) There’s a curriculum, there are milestones, and there’s a structure in place to support reaching the goals in front of our children. That’s the first step on the journey to growth, whether it’s for our children or for ourselves – we need to clearly identify where we’d like to be. The more specific we get, the easier it will be to chart a course towards what we’d like to accomplish. Even putting down a few basic ideas can be helpful, though.
Another important aspect of the school experience that supports growth is the social environment. Whether they like it or not, our kids are surrounded by peers who are ostensibly doing the same things, at the same time, and are hoping to accomplish pretty much the same things. There’s what to be said about the benefit of surrounding yourself with like-minded people. Aside from the practical benefits, like having someone to help you out with the math homework if you get stuck, knowing that you’re not the only one who’s doing it makes the experience much less isolating and can help you focus on the benefits of whatever you’re trying to get to.
This brings us to the next point. One of the single most difficult aspects of follow-through on any goal is maintaining motivation. Motivation is a funny thing; it’s very fickle. Something that may seem worth pursuing today, that we’re really interested in devoting time and effort to, may seem either less important tomorrow, or not worth the investment. Good teachers know how to keep things interesting, and set up their lessons and their classroom structure in a way that helps maintain both focus and effort. They essentially try to have their students outsource motivation to follow through as much as possible. Whether by keeping the topics interesting enough so that it’s not so hard to keep on going, or by incentivizing progress, a classroom setting done right can be a lot less complicated and tenuous than someone who’s self-studying.
It’s not just for the classroom. This is a trick we adults can also tap into. Aside from choosing goals that naturally resonate with you and that you feel personally drawn to, you can set up incentives for yourself to boost your motivation and your progress. You don’t have to do it alone, either. Connect with a group that wants to accomplish the same things you do, and all of a sudden, you’re not pushing through all by yourself. Without a group, showing up in whatever way you need to was entirely up to you (also known as “When I feel like it”). Once you connect with others, you don’t have to worry about maintaining your motivation all by yourself anymore. You’ve got the power of community behind you, sharing your excitement over whatever success looks like, and encouraging you when your pursuits aren’t going so well. You can also find and connect with people who have already done what you’re trying to do. Both of these possibilities make your goals seem much less like unachievable mountains, and more like real possibilities. After all, you know someone, or a group of people, who have made it happen. It’s still work, but it’s far closer to the realm of possibility when you have the additional social support.
This next one is one that’s often overlooked, and maybe even sounds funny. Let’s talk recess for a bit. Child development is a fascinating process. Look at a baby, or anyone under the age of twenty, when they’re playing. While it looks like they’re playing, and they may be enjoying themselves, there’s a lot of learning and practicing of skills that goes on at the same time. Think about it. A child’s ability to socialize, work as a team, negotiate, and utilize different sets of motor skills are all learned and improved on via a simple game of baseball. Ask a kid what they’re doing, though, and the answer will be something along the lines of having fun, chilling out, or letting loose. In reality, they’re doing both. They’re finding ways to practice skills, with a peer group, in a way that makes it fun. Ask most kids. They’ll tell you it’s the high point of their day.
I’m not saying we need to organize games of tag for all the men on our block, but there’s real benefit to finding fun ways to maintain skills that we don’t use during the day. What can we do to stay in touch with our ability to run, to think creatively without the pressures of work, or to just let loose? Find some answers, put it together with some social connection, and you have a sustainable way to do things that are enjoyable for you and probably have some serious physical and mental health benefits too. We don’t often think of recess in those terms, but honestly, most adults could really use it. A lot, and frequently.
Obviously, everyone’s situation is different. The degree to which we can implement change and work towards growth, and what kind of change is even needed, is going to be unique to each individual. On whatever level, though, we’re all capable of taking some ownership of our personal growth. Odds are, we don’t have to look far to find the answers.
Yeshaya Kraus, LCSW 